Known Soul

Pride

2008-05-06T13:50:00.005+08:00

"I don't need Leah...."

So harsh yet so true...
But the girls made it much better...
And I'm proud of them...

What's Fair?

2008-03-25T22:52:00.002+08:00

Just how fair is performance based bonus...?
Only God knows....and the people who decide on it...

Maybe it's time to move on...
When my bond ends...

6th year Dinner

2008-03-22T19:58:00.000+08:00

The breeze gently brushed against my face,
I rested my hand in yours.
The waves lapped happily onto the shore,
I walked alongside by you.

The hot green tea warmed my heart,
I indulged in comfort ambience.
The order of food’s beyond my norm,
I feared the taste of raw.

Salmon, yellowtail, and swordfish,
I surprised myself by much.
Sweltering seafood hotpot,
I shared my joy with you.

6 years and one dinner...we should do this more often....love it...

Little Jovan

2008-03-08T23:23:00.002+08:00

Yesterday Jovan ran to me...
and without hesitation, he took out his marker and drew on my leg...
he was so so happy when he did that...laughing all the way...
till i stared at him and told him sternly....
"Jovan! You are not allowed to draw on people's leg...see now so dirty..."
The smile on his face vanished...and for awhile i felt so bad...taking away his laughters...
He looked at me...handed over his marker and ran off...
A moment later, he came back with a piece of tissue....
and attempted to wipe off the markings on my leg...
and said..."oh no.....dirty...."

He's just so amazing....the things he does....it can't be explained...

Reminder

2008-02-21T10:16:00.001+08:00

I had a good time with my students today...
It reminded me of why i became a teacher...

A week

2008-01-27T16:47:00.000+08:00

It's been only a week...

And many more weeks will come...
Many more years will come...
I will stand by you...
In good faith...I will stand by you...

My ROM

2008-01-21T20:04:00.000+08:00

In the midst of my dreams, I heard the alarm ringing.
5 more minutes I told myself, then I remembered,
And woke up with a startle…
Something feels different today,
Something great is happening today,
Something that I’ve waited for has finally arrived.

At the studio, as the makeup artist whips out her brushes and colours,
Anticipation feels my mind.
Peeping occasionally at the mirror,
Excitement creeps up my spine.

I stepped into the car parking by the road,
Looking forward to see his reactions.
With my new look and dress,
Hoping earnestly to leave an impression.

Hand in hand we walked into the restaurant,
Heads turn and eyes lingered.
Today is our day,
Today belongs to us.

Exchange of vows and rings,
Under the witness of many friends.
Moment of kiss,
And…”I pronounce you Husband and Wife.”

My Wedding Website

2008-01-12T15:13:00.000+08:00

Have been neglecting my blog due to the fact that I've trying to create my wedding website. Do check it out at http://mrandmrsswee.weddingannouncer.com/

The Meal

2007-12-28T23:34:00.000+08:00

Marketing for the ingredients,
Enjoying the company that i have.
Sniffing at the various herbs and spices,
Laughing at the absurd missing yellow lemons.

Starting the fire, heating the pan,
I stood by the side, watching in awe.
Washing up, clearing the space,
I attempted to assist to the best I can.

Savoring the tenderness of the roast chicken,
It's juiciness melts right into the heart.
Slurping the buttery wine of the pot mussels,
It's freshness sparks the spirit of the soul.

Believe me, I've enjoyed thoroughly...

Happy Birthday

2007-12-24T00:42:00.000+08:00

It's a special day for a special someone...
Happy birthday to you...

I wish you happiness...
I wish you good health...
I wish your dreams will come true...
I wish your undertakings be successful...

Happy Birthday...

Our Race

2007-12-09T01:18:00.000+08:00

We ran our own race...

We did it...hee...

The Past

2007-11-18T22:44:00.000+08:00

The shadows of the past keep lurking around,
Though it can be ignored, they will always be there.
To suppress the negatives of the past,
Requires strength beyond imaginable.

The bitterness of the past linger in my mouth,
Though it can be washed down, the after taste remains.
To salvage the hurts of the past,
Requires sweetness beyond imaginable.

The scars of the past paints a picture in my life,
Though it can be faded, the colours never washed off.
To forgive the origin of the past,
Requires faith beyond imaginable.

"Accept the past as the past, without denying it or discarding it..."
- Tuesday with Morrie, Mitch Albom

Flash back

2007-11-15T23:04:00.000+08:00

As I stood amidst the students in the exam hall...
Walking down the rows, looking at them scribble intensely on the answer script...
Flash back of my own school days came flooding into my mind...

I can hear the familiar tune of the bell even as I alight from the bus...
It's gonna be yet another sprint into the school...
Scrambling through the gate, barely making it in time for attendance taking...
As the rest of the my school mates go through the motion of singing and taking the pledge...
I was already planning which tutorial to complete(copy) during my breaks...

Lectures and tutorials were spent mostly trying to stay awake...
Acting has became my profession, looking so studious yet my mind is set elsewhere...
Sitting beside the right person during tutorials is of utmost importance...
Someone who is willing to share her answer if the tutor ever picks on me...
And I'm forever praying that the tutors cannot remember my name...

CCA trainings were the best time of the day...
The jog to the park was never fulfilled, ending all the time at the playground instead...
But we trained hard and played hard...
With only 7 players, and no coach, we managed to clinch the runner-up title...
This is the one team which I'm truly proud of...

As the 'A' levels approaches, it's like a mad rush to catch up on all the work I've earlier neglected...
Taking only 4 subjects, I have a total of 7 'forced' consultations to attend each week...
Some in a group, some on a one-to-one basis...
But the long hours the tutors have sacrificed to coach me...
Their patience and tolerance....i will forever be grateful...

A short but memorable 2 years in college....
I really do miss my school days...

The Future

2007-10-15T23:32:00.000+08:00

I'm just so caught up in the whirlpool of happenings since my last entry...
Everything is happening so fast...
I'm elated to see the puzzle of my life being pieced together by you...
I'm beginning to see the realism of the events...
Things that i once dreamed and hoped for...
Are finally going to be fulfilled...

The past will just be memories...
The future is ours to create...
It will not be a bed of roses...
But I will hold on to your promise...
I will trust and honour you...
I will love and cherish you...

A toast to our future....

Our Destinee

2007-09-30T00:48:00.000+08:00

At the corner of my eyes, I saw the little black box,
Then the words followed...
For a moment you looked so shy, awaiting a favourable response from me,
So child-like, so innocent, so sweet.
Hiding my excitment, i returned a smile, wanting the moment to last longer...
Memories of our past 5 years flash through my mind,
All the joy and sorrow, laughters and tears.
Finally i consented, cos I believe...
This is the Destinee that seals our fate...
I love it...
Thank you so very much...

Run for Hope

2007-09-18T23:30:00.000+08:00

It's really heart warming to have you running beside me...

Happy Teacher's Day

2007-09-06T00:35:00.000+08:00

I'm disheartened,
My belief shaken.
But this day, your special thanks made my day...

I'm discouraged,
My spirit dampened.
But this day, your special thanks made my day...

I'm tired,
My energy drained.
But this day, your special thanks made my day...

Little cards of appreciation speak a thousand words,
Little gifts of thoughtfulness touch my heart.
A smile from you rekindles my passion,
A 'thank you' from you fires my heart.

Thank you to all my students who made my day....

Happy Teacher's Day!

Our Road Trip

2007-08-17T00:03:00.000+08:00

The jam at the causeway was bearable,
because you were with me.
The long drive was not boring,
because you were with me.
The lost of direction was not fustrating,
because you were with me.

The child like excitment lights up your face,
I was happy to see you happy.
The drive up to Desaru fulfills your wish,
I was happy to see you happy.
The tasty lobster satisfy your hunger,
I was happy to see you happy.

The waterfall is enticing,
The playground for our future princes and princesses.
The optimisim of returning is undeniable ,
The road trip for our future family.
The desire is overwhelming,
The future is brightly lit.

A salute to our precious car....
which made all these possible....

Our education system

2007-08-17T00:01:00.000+08:00

Today...or perhaps yesterday...
I finally understood how an education system can make or break a person...
I guess there's always a two side to everything...

CHild vs Young Adult

2007-07-22T23:05:00.000+08:00

Well, if you are seventeen/eighteen years old, do you see yourself as a child or as a young adult?

If you are still a child,
I will forgive what you wrote,
I will not hold you against your meaningless accusations,
And I will understand that you said what you said in a moment of anger.

If you are a young adult,
then I will need to remind you,
that you are responsible for your words.
Your sprouts of heated words, showed your ugly side.
Even as you adorned the cross around your neck,
do you not feared that you will be judged on the final day?

Do not vent your frustrations on innocent people simply because you are stressd out due to bad academic results.
Do not undermine the jobs of people as you have no true knowledge of what they do.
Do not judge people's capability especially those who excel both in sports and paper qaulifications.
And most importantly, do not underrate our passion for teaching and our love for our students.

One day, when you grow up, when you mature into a young adult, then you will be sensible enough to see and understand the things we do.

Perfect Number

2007-07-10T23:26:00.000+08:00

11-707

It' simply perfect....what else can i say....

Feel the magic

2007-06-22T23:23:00.000+08:00

Now let the words tell the story....

Home to a 5-star hotel,
The king-sized bed, a heaven to us both.
Savour the fine taste of Bangkok,
Uptown delicacy to alley local dishes.
Braving the tutu rides,
Feel the magic of the city lights.

Welcome from Islamabad,
The men look alike, no women in sight.
Indulge in the scenic view of Silk route,
Majestic mountains to river flows.
Bumping along the rocky road,
Feel the magic of ancient wonders.

News from afar,
The overflowing flood, the landslide blocks the road.
Determined to reach the border,
National park to landslide point, furthest we can go.
Sighing deeply with disappointment,
Feel the magic of nature power.

Residing in a 2-men tent,
The comfort of our sleeping bag, the privacy for two.
Adrenaline rushed for the trek,
Steep ascend to glacier walk.
Hiking side by side,
Feel the magic of peace and tranquility.

Village shopping bazaar,
Full of men, still no women in sight.
Echoing the sound of trade,
Fresh vegetables and poultry to daily necessities.
Buying water and daily perks,
Feel the magic of people and culture.

Farewell visit to the mosque,
Carefully observed local customs, long sleeves and cap.
Removing shoes for respect,
Praying hall to university classrooms.
Taking pictures of the awesome building,
Feel the magic of religious influence.

Return flight to home,
Holding hands, dozing all the way.
Looking at the gallery with anticipation,
Mummy, sister and little baby.
Waving excitingly, kissing little prince,
Feel the magic of home.

Pakistan Silkroute & Rakaposhi Trek

2007-06-20T13:40:00.001+08:00

Let the pictures tell the story....

Along Karakoram Highway (KKH)....

Karimabad...climbing to eagle nest....
Children on the way to school....
Delicious BBQ beef along the Karimabad bazaar....
On the way to Khunjerab Pass....
Our bus driver (Ibram) and Guide (Ali)....
Road to Khunjerab Pass is closed due to flood....

Suspension Bridge at Gulmit....Baltit Fort.... View from Baltit Fort...Picking gems stones along KKH....Fresh Cherries...sweet...Village children of Minapin...First day of trek...Steep ascend... Saw that...there's where we want to go.... Making local butter....
Our first camp site...Hapacun campsite...Second day of trek...Another steep ascend.... Nearing Rakaposhi base camp....Our second campsite...Rakaposhi Base camp...
Before pitching our tent....
After pitching our tent....Third day of trek....Minapin Glacier...Scenic view of glacier... Making sour plum juice with sweet glacier water... Deeper than you think....End of glacier walk....

Another night at Rakaposhi base camp...

Fourth day of trek....

Narrow walk along the slop...

Him trying to lighten the load of the donkey...Quick descend back to Hapacun campsite...Fifth day of trek...Bridge back to Minapin village...Final farewell to Rakaposhi trek...Back in Minapin village...the little girl who's afraid of him..hahaha...Along KKH again...towards Gilgit...
Bazaar of Gilgit....Residents houses along KKH...Last view of KKH.... Back to Islamabad....
Last sight-seeing of Faisal Mosque before leaving for Home...14 days in total...
I love it all..
And I especially love the person with me all the while...

I'm sorry

2007-05-14T23:20:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry...
sorry that i've not given my best...
I've a part to play....
I'm responsible for the outcome today...
There are many times i could have done so much more...
to guide, to motivate, even to inspire....

I'm sorry...
sorry for giving up on my passion...
I've the chance....
I should have fought for what i feel is the best...
There are many times i could have press on...
to insist on my beliefs, to persist on my ways...

I can't say how sorry i am...
I've not done my part...
I've have failed in my job...

You were under my wings...
Yet i could not give you the best...
Yet i allowed the harm to be done...

There's no one else to blame...
I'm the teacher...
You are my team...

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-13T23:05:00.000+08:00

Early in the wee hours,
Knocking furiously on the bedroom door.
Time for work, she reminded.
An expression of a motherly's love.

Daily morning routine,
Lugging her market trolley.
Food to prepare, she considered.
An expression of a motherly's love.

Times of unwellness,
Brewing kettles of herbal tea.
Have more rest, she nagged.
An expression of a motherly's love.

The moonlit night,
Chasing us to bed.
Sleep early, she orderd.
An expression of a motherly's love.

There's no other greater person than a mother is to her child....
Happy Mother's Day...

Can't live

2007-04-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

I can't live without you...
So cliche yet so true...

I can't live without you...

A talk to a stranger

2007-04-17T18:24:00.000+08:00

Full of anticipation,
I knocked on the door.
The stranger smiled,
setting my heart at ease.

I seated myself on the wooden chair,
my man beside me.
The stranger spoke,
advising, deducing, concluding.

I listen intently,
his words touched my heart.
The pain in me,
became so real once again.

I fought back my tears,
forcing a smile on my face.
My past sufferings,
Finally prove its worth.

I turned to my side, I saw my man,
nodding and acknowledging the stranger's words.
I hoped and I prayed,
his acknowledgment is sincere and true.

A pack of cards in his hands,
a quick peek into the future.
Huge obstacle I have to cross,
yet it's beyond my control.

It's now all up to you...
Up to you to help me cross this hurdle....

A day/night at the beach

2007-04-04T22:33:00.002+08:00

The virgin chef heat her wok.
Frying rice for great surprise,
Touched are you i do not know,
Happy am i cooking for you.

The aroma of curry lingers till today.
A simple dish it may be,
when prepared with love,
a delicacy it turns out to be.

Beyond the horizon,
the golden sun sets.
Nestling in the tent,
the cozy space for two.

Listen to the ripples of the waves,
soothing us to sleep under the velvet sky.
Pitter patter of the morning rain,
snuggling closer side by side.

Awoke to the chirping of the birds,
with dreamy eyes i look at you.
A faint smile lit your face,
the smile i hope for everyday.

Till death do us apart

2007-03-20T23:54:00.000+08:00

I look up to heaven,
and see your face.
Your smile ever so enchanting,
comforting me like a big warm hug.
Calling me,
you want to share your peace.
Taking my hand,
you draw me near.

It seems like only yesterday,
where i grieve my loss.
I stood far away,
weeping those lonely tears.
Aching as my heart may be,
I prayed your soul may rest in peace.

Till death do us apart,
you've promised.
But it comes too soon,
apart we are now.
Can you hear my cries?
I miss you so.
Why have you left?
My heart is void.

I look up to heaven,
you are still smiling.
You have found your resting place,
giving me blessings from above.

New Beginning

2007-03-14T23:47:00.000+08:00

It's a new beginning...
It feels like i'm falling in love all over again...
I know it's real...
I can feel it...

Joyful Days

2007-03-08T14:39:00.000+08:00

These few days have been joyful...
No words can describe it...
I enjoy every moment with you...

By Faith I Stand By You

2007-03-06T13:50:00.000+08:00

It feels frustrating when things are beyond your control...
You feel helpless and angry when the same things keep tormenting you...
You lose your senses....
You lose your control....

My dear....
I know it's difficult to let go of certain things...
Even though you said you will...
Just be still I plead...
Feel your heart...
Listen to your mind...

Ultimately...
You will do the right things...
You will do what you should do...

Keep your words...
Keep your promise...
I look forward to the holidays...
I look forward to you fulfilling my valentine's wish...

By faith I stand by you...

Love is in the Air

2007-02-28T16:35:00.000+08:00

Love is in the air...
Love is everywhere...

And someone is grinning...
cos her faith has not failed her...
she's so totally in love...

Love is in the air...
Love is everywhere...

And someone is smiling...
cos her love has not failed her...
she's so totally at peace...

Love is in the air...
Love is everywhere...

Reminder

2007-02-27T23:22:00.000+08:00

I welcome all to read my thoughts...
I'm happy if my writings are enticing...
but do remember...
they are mine...
please please...
do not take my content and make it yours...
please please...
do not copy my style of writing...

A thousand grateful thanks...

Be true to yourself

2007-02-27T23:03:00.000+08:00

I am not as strong as i want to be...
I am not as strong as you think i am...
I am not as strong as friends make me out to be...

Behind my smiling facade...
I spent my days...
Tearing down my brave front...
I spent my nights...

Being silence doesn't mean i'm not in pain...
Being silence doesn't mean i'm not afraid...
Being silence doesn't mean i need no comfort...

I can ask for nothing more...
Just that you will keep your words...
Just that you will be true to yourself...

For my love

2007-02-13T23:29:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to you...

It is love i feel for you,
It is our future that i see.

It is you whom i miss at night,
It is your hug that warms my heart.

It is your kisses that linger on my lips,
It is your smile that lights my day.

It is you whom i desire,
It is your love that comforts me.

Happy Valentine Day...
And remember...you owe me one valentine wish...

Come home

2007-02-09T23:51:00.000+08:00

Your words have given me hopes once again...
It's time to come home...
It's time to come back to where you belong...

You know your way back...
It's time to come home...
It's time to come back to where you belong...

You have created this home...
It's time to come home...
It's time to come back to where you belong...

Home is where the comforts are...
Home is where the assurances are...
Home is free from hurts and pains...
Home is where you want to be...
It's time to come home...
Baby, please come home....

Home filled with love and care...
Home filled with life and breath...
Home filled with laughter and joy...
Home filled with you and I...
Home is where you want to be...
It's time to come home...
Baby, please come home...

Don't Give Up

2007-02-05T19:27:00.000+08:00

When i was young...
My teacher taught me not to give up...
My coach taught me not to give up...
My teammates told me never to give up...

As i grow old...
I taught my students not to give up...
I coached my players not to give up...
i encourage my teammates not to give up...

but now...
i've realised and learnt that by giving up...
it does not mean that i've failed...
it simply means that i'm accepting that things are not meant to be...
it simply means that i'm moving on to be a better option...

struggling between giving up and not giving up...
can i throw away my beliefs and values...?
and instill a new mindset...?
is giving up really ok...?
why then do we always tell people not to give up...?

should i just accept the fact that it's a better option to give up...?
yet somehow...i cannot convince myself that it's the end...
somewhere in me tells me not to give up just yet...
somewhere in me...i hear voices saying....
Press on...press on...don't give up...

Silent

2007-01-28T22:44:00.000+08:00

"He who restrains his words has knowledge,
And he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.
Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise;
When he closes his lips, he is counted prudent."

Prov 17:27-28

As such i choose to remain silent...
words of anger and hurt always caused more strife...
and when sprouted out...it's usually too late for regret...

To the One above

2007-01-21T00:01:00.000+08:00

My belief shaken...
My faith doubted...
Have i believed in the wrong things...?
Have i gone the wrong way...?

But other than believing...
There's nothing else i can do...
Other than holding on...
There's no other way out...

I have a life...
Is my life destined...?
Have i incurred Your wrath...?
That i have to suffer for my misgivings...

Why...?
Why can't i just give it all up...
And start my life afresh...?

Perhaps You are right afterall...
Worldly desires are temporary...
Who can love me more than You...
Yet i refuse to return to Your arms...

The fear in me is just so great...
I know i have to stand before You one day...
But i'm afraid...
Afraid to give up what i have now...

I do not know what i seek...
I do not know what i want...
I feel betrayed...
I guess that's how You felt when i left...

I dare not return to You now...
For i'm not ready...
And i fear i will leave again someday...
and break Your heart once again...

I dare not ask for more...
For i do not deserve to...
I can't say how sorry i am...
I really am...

Please forgive me...

Treasure and Respect

2007-01-12T16:59:00.000+08:00

My good friend says...
people tend not to treasure things that are readily available...
people tend to take available things for granted...

My good friend says...
people tend to lose respect for people who don't have self respect...
people tend to look down on people without self pride...

I wonder...
if he takes me for granted...?
as i have made myself readily available...

I wonder...
if he still respect me...?
as i have tore down my pride and lower myself...

I wonder...
if i have crossed the line...?

My Love

2007-01-11T14:45:00.000+08:00

I love you for bringing joy to my life...
I love you for not giving up on me...
I love you for loving me...

I love you when we party...
the way you look at me...
the way you hold me close to you...

I love you when you cook for me...
the simple fried rice and egg...
the spaghetti and bacon...
so yummy and heart filling...

I love you when you play badminton with me...
all the funny stunts...
and the laughters that come with it...

I love you when you gave me the gifts..
my first birthday present...
the necklace in the little blue box...

I love you for knowing me...
knowing my thoughts...
knowing what i want to say even before the words are out of my mouth...

I love you for all the hugs and kisses...
the little romance...
so personal and close...

I love you when you call me from abroad...
the smses that you sent...
indicating that you misses me...

I love you for tolerating me....
for giving way to my unreasonable behaviours...
for being so patient with me...

I love you for travelling with me...
for sharing the same passion...
visiting the places of my dreams...

I love you when you sleep...
for putting your arms around me...
for nuzzling against me...

I love you when we wash the car together...
our very own car...
the car you said will always belong to us...

I love you when we wanted to get the same christmas gift for each other...
without planning and saying...
we wanted to get the same thing...

I love you when you invited me to your cousin's place for dinner...
for holding my hand at the corridoor...
for making me part of your life...

I love you when you share your thoughts with me..
the debate we have over topics...
the chat on almost everything...

I love you for bringing my baby to swimming...
for the clothes you bought for him...
for driving him around...

I love you when you try to make me happy...
the assurance you try to give me...
the efforts you put in not to hurt me...

I love you when you describe your future home...
the way you say how 'OUR' house will look like...
the kind of furniture and decor that you like...

I love you when we chill out...
the ride up mount faber...
and the walk along fishermen village...

I love you when we go shopping...
choosing adidas shirts that you like...
holding my hand through the crowd...

I love you for sending me to work...
waking up early in the morning...
scarificing the little previous sleep that you have...

I love you when you talk about your trips...
how you wish i was there with you...
and how i wish i can be there too...

I love you when we wore the same shirt to the party...
so attached...
so close...

I love you for all the little things you have done for me...
I love you for making me part of your life...
I love you for who you are...
I love you for loving me...

Silence

2007-01-10T11:25:00.000+08:00

Silence...
so tranquil, so peaceful...
Silence...
so lonesome, so frightful...

Silence...
How long can one remain silent...?
How long can one watch in silence...?

Silence...
fills my world...
Silence...
Breaks my soul...

Silence...
Should i remain silent...?
Should i watch in silence...?

Silence...
In it's peace i dwell...
Silence...
In it's doubt i live...

Silence...
Can i remain silent...?
Can i watch in silence...?

Silence...
Be silent...
Stay still...
Stay calm...
Hear my heart break...
Mend my soul...

Life is a wonder

2007-01-08T23:02:00.000+08:00

Life is a wonder...
you never know what's in it...

In a rollar coaster ride...
it's full of ups and downs...
but at least...
you can anticipate the ups...
and expect the downs...

Life is a wonder...
you can never anticipate the ups...
and can never expect the downs...

Life is a wonder...
Just when you thought you had it all...
something has to happen to take it all away...
and just when you thought you have nothing left...
someone comes by and fills up your life...

Life is a wonder...
there's no right...
and there's no wrong...

I guess the only way out now...
is to live by faith...

and faith is the assurance of things hoped for, and the conviction of things not seen...
(Heb 11:1)

By faith...
I'm assured that the things i hoped for will happen some day...
and I'm convinced that things that i can't see now...actually exist...

By faith i live...
and i hope you do not give up too...

Have faith...

The End

2007-01-01T17:14:00.000+08:00

The bad dreams have came true...
I guess it's my fault...

The end of year 2006 has brought closure to many things...
I don't know to feel happy or to feel sad...
I just know it's too painful to end it all...

Things come and go...
I'm disappointed in myself...
The way i handled my emotions...
The way i do things...
All i can say is i've failed miserably...

Year 2007...
I just want you to be happy...

Bad dreams return

2006-12-29T23:07:00.000+08:00

The bad dreams are back...
I can't sleep...
I can't take it anymore...
Dear God...please have mercy...please...

Weak vs Strong

2006-12-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

When you are weak...
he seeks to be your pillar of strength...
he wants to hold your hand...
and guides you through all hurts...

When you are weak...
he yearns to your source of comfort...
he wants to pull you into his arms...
and embraces you with tender care and love...

When you are weak...
he hopes to be your hiding shelter...
he wants to stand infront of you...
and shields you from all dangers...

When you are weak...
he wants you to be hurt no more...
he wants to ensure your wellness...
he wants to be by your side...

So then....why should i stay strong...?

Christmas

2006-12-26T01:03:00.000+08:00

Ringing church bells in the air...
Praise the birth of Christ...
Celebrating through the world...
Shouts of joy and cheers...

Carolling through the streets...
The spirit of angels touches heart...
Standing under the mistletoe...
The kiss of love seals the fate...

Hanging the socks of gift...
Santa's sleigh brings hope and love...
Lighting up the great pine tree...
The sparkling star paints a smile...

Raising hands to heaven...
We give thanks....

Merry Chirstmas to all....

Birthday

2006-12-24T00:30:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to you....my dearest one...

Rainy days

2006-12-21T00:23:00.000+08:00

Rainy days are cold and gloomy...
The wet weather dampens my spirit...
The howl of the wind adds to my loneliness...

Rainy days are relaxing and soothing...
The cool breeze blows all fury away...
The melody of the raindrops adds to my comfort...

Rainy days are confusing and unknown...
Sometimes they pour really hard on you...
Sometimes they drizzle lightly and romantically...

Rainy days are fickle and short-lived...
Sometimes they leave you wet and cold...
Sometimes they bring along the sunshine and the rainbow...

I love rainy days...but i hate them too..
I love strolling in the drizzle...but i hate getting wet too...
I love the rainbow...but more than often...there is none...

I love you...but i hate you too...
I love the time we spent together...but i hate getting hurt too...
I love the hugs and kisses...but more than often...there is none...

Bad Dreams

2006-12-17T23:40:00.000+08:00

I've had bad dreams for 2 consecutive nights...
They left me in fear...
I hope the dreams won't come true...

Unsure

2006-12-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

I feel unsure when i do not know where you are...
I feel unsure when i do not know what you are thinking...
I feel unsure when i do not know what you are doing...

I feel unsure because i do not know you anymore...
I feel unsure because i do not know how to discern the truth from the false...
I feel unsure because i do not know what i can do...

I'm unsure of how you feel towards me...
I'm unsure of how i feel towards you...
I'm unsure of how the future will be...

I do not like to be unsure...
I hate to be unsure...
I want assurance...
Is it a burden to give that to me...?

I want to be sure...
yet i do not want empty hopes and promises...
I want to be sure...
yet i know there's nothing in life that can be certain and sure...

I want to be sure...
I want to be sure of myself...
I want to be sure of you...
I want to be sure of my(our) future...

I want to be sure...

I know not what to do

2006-12-12T01:25:00.000+08:00

i pieced together my memories...
memories that i once held so dear...

a smile faintly lit my face...
a smile of sweetness...
a smile of bitterness...

i gathered my courage...
courage to face the past and the future...

mix feelings filled my soul...
feelings of pressing on...
feelings of giving up...

i know not what to do...

does bitterness always follow sweetness...?
is giving up the only option left after pressing on...?

i know not what to do...

Without you

2006-12-04T20:03:00.000+08:00

I wonder how my life will be like without you...

Even though I refuse to think about it...
I can sense it coming...

A great day

2006-11-30T23:32:00.000+08:00

Thank you for today...
I had a great time...

I enjoyed the things we talked about...
I enjoyed the games we play...
I enjoyed having the bruises on my shin...
I enjoyed the excitment and the high...

It's definitely not monotonous...
hee...

Thank you...

How long more

2006-11-27T12:50:00.000+08:00

They always say...
"A leopard never changes its spots..."
I wonder how true is that...

There are simply too many questions unanswered...
I'm wondering what's becoming of me...
Every time you tell a lie...
It breaks my heart...
yet i can't push for the truth...
all i can do is let it go...

How long more do you expect me to be silent before your untruthful words...?
How long more before you will bare your soul to me...?
How long more before i can trust you entirely...?

You hated it when i ask questions...
You hated it when i doubt...
Your anger rises...
Your temper flares...

How long more do we need to live our lives in such a way...?
How long more do i have to be bear such insecurities...?
How long more do we need to endure all these pains and hurts...?

Do i have my rights...?
Or do i just have to accept it...?

How long more before all my questions will be answered...?
How long more before my wounds will be healed...?
How long more before you will love me...and only me...?

Do i want to continue condoning your actions...?
Or do i want to fight for the things i want...?

I guess...
I will start looking for more options...
I'm sure there are nicer people around....
I'm sure there are people who will love me more...
I'm sure i can be happier...

One question

2006-11-24T00:43:00.000+08:00

Just one question...

How long more do i have to wait for you...?

Hatred

2006-11-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

I guess i should convert all my hurts into hatred...
It shouldn't be too difficult to do so...

Then maybe...
It will be easier to leave everything behind...

and move on...

What's going on

2006-11-18T00:17:00.000+08:00

In the silence of the night...
I look up into the velvet sky...
but i see no stars...

After the stormy rain...
I look up into the clear blue sky...
but i see no rainbow...

What's going on...?
Why aren't the stars shinning...?
Why isn't the rainbow appearing...?

Struggling years of battles...
I look ahead into the future...
but i see no victory...

Behind my smiling mask...
I look into my inner soul...
but i see no faith...

What's going on...?
Why am i losing the battle...?
Why am i losing faith...?

Would love make the stars shine and paint the rainbow...?
Would love overcome the battle and regain my faith...?

You are loved

2006-11-13T22:51:00.000+08:00

A song that i use to encourage myself....
and to encourage you too...

You Are Loved (Don't give up)
by Josh Groban

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy I
I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you I
I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you

Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside I
I'll be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you I
I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you

Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved (you are loved)
You are loved (you are loved)

Don't give up (don't give up)
It's just the weight of the world (you are loved)
Don't give up (don't give up)
Everyone needs to be heard (don't give up)
You are loved (you are loved)

Principle of life

2006-11-11T22:44:00.000+08:00

My mind is in turmoil...
My world is collapsing...

Ok...i exaggerated...!!!

But my mind is really in turmoil...
Just that my world in not collapsing...
Rather...i will make sure i live a better life from now on...
Just wait and see...

After living for 27 years...
And witnessing both kindness and ruthless acts...
And experiencing both joy and sorrow...
I've finally decided that the basic principle to live by my life is...

"Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you..."

Sounds so simple...
Yet it's difficult to accomplish...
Simply because human nature is selfish...
It's always easier to put self before others...

But well...
I just have to start somewhere...
Cos i believe...
Kindness begets kindness...

Why

2006-11-08T18:55:00.000+08:00

Why do things always take a drastic turn when it just begin to look good...?

Why do i let her words and actions affect me again and again...? why must it all happen at the wrong time...? why can't i just ignore her...?

Why...?

Are we really not fated...?

Please God i pray...
give me back my old self...
grant me strength to endure...
by Your grace...
help me to go through all this...
heal my broken spirit and heart...
by Your mercy...
do not put Your wrath on me...
give me faith instead...
Please God i pray...
bless me with Your wisdom...
show me what to do...
i plead for Your will to be done...
i ask for Your forgiveness...
Lord...please show me the way...
In Jesus's name i pray...
Amen

If i can

2006-11-07T12:42:00.000+08:00

If i can turn back the clock...
I would return to the year 1979 where i was first born...
where i basked in unconditional love and kisses...
where everyone just can't wait to dote and carry me...
where i need not worry for a single thing...

If i can turn back the clock...
I would return to the year 1986 where i first entered primary school...
where zero point and catching are my greatest joy...
where the canteen ah mak sold the best chicken wing i ever tasted...
where house practice is the best thing to happen after school...

If i can turn back the clock...
I would return to the year 1992 where i first entered secondary school...
where i won my first my badminton championship....
where i met my friends who still played a huge role in my life today...
where i enjoyed the taste of an innocent puppy love...

If i can turn back the clock...
I would return to the year 1996 where i first entered junior college...
where we would laze around at east coast rather than the jog we were told to do...
where we would skip tutorials and lectures praying that the tutors would not catch us doing so...
where we would climb over the school gate when we studied till wee hours for 'A' levels...

If i can turn back the clock...
I would return to the year 1998 where i first entered university...
where hall 6 was practically my second home...
where we would go for mid night jog along the 199 route...
where we would try to dish out a meal whenever possible...

If i can turn back the clock...
I would return to the year 2002 where we first started...
where the trip to redang was simply unforgettable...
where we would average a trip every 2 months...
where our love was ever so pure and untainted...

If i can turn back the clock...
If only i can...

Little darlings

2006-11-05T23:22:00.000+08:00

Now he has his little darling...
and i have my little prince...

I wonder....
in future...
will we have OUR own little darling, prince and princess...

I wonder....
I hope...

The Wait

2006-11-03T23:13:00.000+08:00

The wait is anguishing...
The wait is nerves wrecking...
The wait is indefinite...

The wait for the phone call...
The wait for the message...
The wait for the decision...
The wait for the answer...

The wait is anguishing...
The emptiness closing in...
The silence echoing....

The wait for confirmation...
The wait for my future...
The wait for my happiness...
The wait for my love...

The wait is anguishing...

In whom can i seek refudge...
With whom can i pour my woes...

The wait is anguishing...

Hopes

2006-11-03T01:30:00.000+08:00

Hopes...

Can we choose to have them...?
Or are they given to us by others...?

Chosen by us when we have faith...
Given to us when we need encouragement...

Hopes...

I choose not to have...
And it's not given to me...

Hopes...

Good to have...?
Or better without...?

Good to have when they can be realized...
Better without when they will never be fulfilled...

Hopes...

It's better without...
unfulfillment causes disappointments...

I Fear

2006-11-01T13:29:00.000+08:00

One week has past...
Soon...two weeks will past..
Then one month...
Then one year...
Then....it will all be forgotten...

I fear when that day comes...

I wonder how you are...
I wonder what you are doing...
I wonder what you are thinking...
I wonder if you are happy...
I wonder if you are sad...

I fear when the day comes...

when i'm no longer part of your life...
when i no longer share your joy and sorrow...

I fear that day will really come...

Numb

2006-10-28T23:47:00.001+08:00

Have been staring at this empty post for some time...
Have no inspirations to write today...

It's always easier to write when you feel strongly for some things....
Guess such feelings in me are gone...
I'm not feeling happy...
I'm not feeling sad...
I'm not thinking of anything...
I wonder if that's good or bad...

My day just passes by...
My body drags...
My soul wanders...
Counting every minutes and seconds...
Praying for the night to arrive...
Where I can finally close my eyes...

I hate to face the truth...
The truth always hurt...
I harden my heart...
I numbed my feelings...
I have to be apathetic...
Casting all my desires and wants aside...

Numbness is all i feel...
Or at least is what i hope to feel...

Do it

2006-10-27T23:36:00.000+08:00

I can do it...
I know i can do it...
And i will do it...

I need to do it...

Thank you

2006-10-26T12:21:00.000+08:00

Looking back...

I just wanna thank you...
thank you for all the trips we've been...

thank you for REDANG...
the little island where it all began...
the love so innocent and pure...

thank you for KL...
the food at the back alley...
the local bus ride up genting...

thank you for MT KINABALU...
the slow ascend up the sumit...
the exciting raft down the river....

thank you for PHUKET...
the sleazy hotel with the look through bathroom...
the little boat ride to phi phi island...

thank you for BALI...
the village tour of paddy fields...
the walk to kama sutra with the jamming live band...

thank you for BANGKOK...
the tour with my parents and family...
the outing with my sis and yours...

thank you for MALDIVES...
the romantic getaway...
the majestic yet peaceful views...

thank you for TIOMAN...
the holiday with your parents and their friends...
the cosy stay in the atap huts...

thank you for VIETNAM...
the days of kayaking and biking..
the busy market place and the homestay along the trek...

thank you for BINTAN...
the banana boat ride and jet ski...
the speed chasing after your parents...

thank you for TAIWAN...
the chicken chop so huge...
the open air shivers as we celebrate the new year...

thank you for NEW ZEALAND...
the adventure of bungy, rafting and treking...
the drive along the highways...just you and me...

thank you for PULAU AUR....
the bumpy boat rides...
the pat on my back when i offer my meals to the sea...

and finally....

thank you for TIBET...
the support you gave along the ascend...
the tent we share all the nights...

Thank you....

All Grown Up

2006-10-25T22:56:00.000+08:00

I guess we have all grown up...

Once...
we used to gather in the hostel room...
with the stinking pond down below...
Now...
we meet up in the private condo...
overlooking the blue water pool...

Once...
we used to frown over tutorials and exams...
burning the midnight oil for the last minute dash...
Now...
we ponder over our jobs and careers...
wondering what better prospects there are...

Once....
we used to giggle over crushes and loves...
oggling over the hunks and babes...
Now...
we celebrate lawful declaration of marriage and love...
puting on the perfect diamond ring for eternity...

Once...
we shared our joy and sorrows...
depending on one another for company and comfort...
Now...
we still share our joy and sorrows...
our friendship never ending ever so strong...

Funny

2006-10-24T23:19:00.000+08:00

This post is specially dedicated to one of my dearest friend...
whom i know reads my blog....

Not that i want to gloat over your lost of voice...
but you really sounded so funny over the phone....
and your phone call kinda made my day...
simply cos it made me laugh...

Now that i think back...
it still brings a smile to my face...

Thanks and get well soon....

Friends

2006-10-23T10:26:00.000+08:00

Friends are a blessing...
Near or far...
They are always around....

My dear friends...
If you are reading this...
Thank you so much...
Thank you for being there when i needed you guys...

Goodbye My Lover

2006-10-22T18:00:00.000+08:00

"Goodbye My Lover"

By James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your hand.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.

[x2]

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,

Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the father of your child.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,

And I love you, I swear that's true.

I cannot live without you.

[x2]

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bare my soul in time,

When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Misunderstood

2006-10-20T17:16:00.000+08:00

you have mistaken me...
misread my intentions...
misunderstood my actions...

you really have...

A different voice on the line...
with due respect i asked...
"may i speak to _______ please?"

yet....
all i get was a harsh slam down....

Stay away

2006-10-20T07:39:00.000+08:00

All it takes...
is a phone call...
an exchange of fury words...
to wash all my efforts for the previous months down the drain...

Sorry i lost control...
but i just can't help it...

Guess i should just stay away...
away from you...
away from everything...
so that i will not mess things up...

Stay away.....from me

Direction

2006-10-18T10:55:00.000+08:00

When you are lost...
drifting aimlessly in the open sea...
you look up at the dark looming sky...
the sparkling north star shines...
you have your direction...

When you are lost...
trekking in circles amidst the thick bushes...
you listen to the jungle's symphony...
the melody of the river stream sings...
you have your direction...

When you are lost...
window shopping among the indifferent crowd...
you scan across the neon lights...
the faithful green exit sign smiles....
you have your direction....

It's about time..
about time for me...
to find my north star in life...
to search for the water source...
to walk towards the exit sign....

it's about time...
to have my direction...

it's about time....

A hundred miles

2006-10-16T13:03:00.000+08:00

A hundred miles away from home...
what will you be doing...?

will you be sight-seeing...?
will you be window shopping...?
will you dance through the night...?
or will you drink to your heart's content...?

A hundred miles away from home...
how will you be feeling...?

will you be feeling carefree and joyful...?
will you be feeling relaxed and rejuvenated...?
will you be enjoying your companion's friendship...?
or will you be missing your love ones back at home...?

A hundred miles away from home...
do you know what will i be doing...?

will i be working...?
will i be catching up with my friends...?
will i be trying to live my own life...?
or will i be waiting....

A hundred miles away from home....
do you know how will i be feeling....?

will i be feeling secured and assured...?
will i be feeling confident and cool...?
will i be enjoying the independence...?
or will i be missing you...?

A hundred miles away from home...
will you know...?
do you know...?

I should stop

2006-10-13T13:28:00.000+08:00

i should stop condoning your wrongful actions...
stop being harsh on myself....

i should stop walking in the wrong direction...
stop being lost in life...

i should stop allowing the problem to escalate...
stop being indifferent to the pain...

i should stop suffocating myself with you...
stop being around you...

i should stop wondering about our future...
stop being so pessimistic...

i should stop fearing of losing you...
stop being a paranoid...

i should stop...
i really should...
but can i...?

It's only natural

2006-10-12T09:53:00.000+08:00

it's only natural...
natural for people to come up with excuses...
excuses to justify why they refuse to do certain things...
excuses to cover up for the mistakes they made...

it's only natural...
natural for people to have mood swings...
moods swings that make you joyful...
moods swings that make you tear...

it's only natural...
natural for people to procrastinate...
procrastinate to make important decisions...
procrastinate to make the first move...

it's only natural...
natural for people to complain...
complains that dwell on the unhappy things...
complains that are useless and serve no purpose...

it's only natural...
natural for people to glorify themselves...
glorify to bring attention and fame...
glorify to satisfy the desire of self-pride...

it's only natural...
natural for people to have fear....
fear that hinders progress...
fear that murders dreams and aspirations...

it's only natural....

but i believe....
it can be changed....

So what do you do

2006-10-10T09:18:00.000+08:00

you asked me what can you do...
let me give you a simple analogy...

imagine you are student...
taking your 'A' levels at the end of the year...
but you were doing badly and your teacher wants you to drop a subject...
you can drop either chemistry or physics...
so what do you do...?

you compare the pros and cons of the subjects...
you consider which subject you like better...
at the end of it all..
you still can't decide..
both are as good...
and both are as important....
so what do you do...?

you decide to wait and see how...
you decide that time will tell which subject suits you more...
you decide to hang on to both subjects...
you refuse to let go...
simply because you dunno which one to choose...

end results...
both subjects suffer...
both grades are lousy...
simply because you dun have the time and energy to concentrate on one...

by the time you decide to let go of one...
it's too late to salvage the results of the other...
too late to make up for what you have lost...
too late because you are way behind time...

on the other hand...
even when you aren't sure which one you really want..
you are willing to take a risk...
you decide on one...
you choose just one...

then stick to your decision...
and make things work...
you are the one who's going to make it work...
through your own efforts...
through your own will...

even if you have choosen wrongly at the start...
you dun regret...
instead...
through your efforts...
through your will...
you will make the wrong right...
you will make it work...

i hope you see my point...
do not fear about making the wrong decision...

when there's a will...there's a way...

I'm weak

2006-10-09T09:20:00.000+08:00

him: ...is this a blog that just posts all your poems...?
me: .......

i'm caught speechless by his question...
i don't know how to answer him...

i really dun see them as poems...
but rather...
they are an expression of my thoughts....
and my feelings...

sure...i do like it to be phrased beautifully...
but please do not overlook the meaning behind it...

everyone have hopes and dreams...
but many a times...
reality is harsh and cruel...
where only the strong survives...
and now....I'M WEAK....

Reunion of love

2006-10-06T23:49:00.000+08:00

Under the pale moonlight...
The festive lights so bright...
Sparkles of laughter
Sparkles of joy...
Renuion of love...
Under the pale moonlight...

Under the pale moonlight...
The fragance of tea fills the night....
Delights of sweetness...
Delights of cakes...
Reunion of love...
Under the pale moonlight....

Under the pale moonlight...
In your arms i feel so right...
Memories of fondness...
Memories of us...
Reunion of love...
Under the pale moonlight....

Happy Mid-Autumn to all....

How do you

2006-10-05T23:25:00.000+08:00

How do you run a marathon....
when you only have the strength...
but not the will...?

How do you fight a battle...
when you only have the shield..
but not the sword...?

How do you cook a dish...
when you only have the wok...
but not the recipe...?

How do you reach your destination...
when you only have the car...
but not the map...?

How do you tell someone how you feel...
when you only have the words...
but not the courage...?

My little prince

2006-10-02T22:36:00.000+08:00

holding you...
laying you near my heart...
taking in the fragrance ever so soft...

looking down...
feeling your little breadth...
touching your skin ever so smooth...

lullabying you...
tempting your eyes to close...
admiring your dimples ever so faint...

envying you...
wishing for the child...
living the innocence ever so true...

especially dedicated to Jovan...
the one who brings me so much laughter and joy....

My little prince...
with my heart i see....
a beautiful life awaiting you....

Are you touched?

2006-10-02T09:09:00.000+08:00

there are 5 ways to give and receive love:

1. through WORDS...

'i love you' is constantly on your mouth and expressing your feelings verbally comes naturally....you go weak on your knees when someone says 'i love you'....

2. through TOUCH...

hugging and kissing is a comfort...even a pat on your back feels assuring...

3. through GIFTS....

you like giving and receiving presents from your loves one...the more gifts you give...the more you love that person...

4. through SERVICE....

you like doing things for that special one...running daily errands becomes a huge task of showing your affection...

5. through TIME...

you spend your days, hours, minutes and sceonds with your loved ones...being physically together is significant....even if it means just lazing infront of the tv....

What is your way of showing love...?
Which way makes you feel loved....?

are you touched...

when someone listens and understand you...?

are you touched...

when someone runs your daily errands for you...?

are you touched...

when someone tried to learn the recipe of curry chicken for you...?

are you touched...

when someone looks out for your career advancements for you...?

are you touched...

when someone forgives you and trust you again...?

are you touched...

when someone takes pain in her stride so that you can be happy...?

are you touched...

when someone shares her life and dreams with you...?

are you touched...

when someone watches the tv silently so that you can have a peaceful rest...?

are you touched...

when someone wakes up in the wee hours rain or shine just to pick you up from work...?

are you touched...

when someone cracks her brain and searches high and low for the perfect gift for your birthday...?

are you touched...

when someone arranges tennis session with her friends so that you can have a good game...?

are you touched...

when someone gives you your own space so that you can do things you want...?

are you touched...

when someone constantly have you in her mind...?

are you touched...

when someones faithfully wakes up in the night just to pull the covers over you...?

are you touched...

when someone goes through great heights just to get the underwater camera casing for you...?

are you touched...

when someone listens and empathise with your work woes...?

are you touched...

when someone tries to arrange for the kind of travel that you love...?

are you touched...

when someone makes an effort to know your friends...?

are you touched...

when someone puts your interest before hers...?

are you touched...

by all the small small things she has done for you...?

are you touched...?
or have you forgotten....?

I'm afraid

2006-10-01T16:18:00.000+08:00

i want to have a tattoo..
but i'm afraid...
afraid of pain...
afraid that art will become a scar of eternity...

i want to ride a bike..
but i'm afraid...
afraid of losing my life...
afraid of causing pain to those who strongly survives...

i want to travel alone...
but i'm afraid...
afraid of losing my way...
afraid of not having someone to share my joy...

i want to walk away...
but i'm afraid...
afraid of having regrets...
afraid of losing things that was once so dear...

i want to have hopes...
but i'm afraid...
afraid that the hopes will be dashed...
afraid of losing the slightest optimism that i have....

i want to live to expectations...
but i'm afraid...
afraid of losing my identity...
afraid of becoming someone else...

i want to live my life...
but i'm afraid...
afraid of judgemental views...
afraid of prejudice and rejections....

will i ever be able to do the things i want...?

What do you do?

2006-09-29T12:39:00.000+08:00

what do you do when you come to a cross road...
and you have no map with you...?
lost and uncertain...

what do you do when your raft drifts out to the open sea...
and you are alone with no food and water...?
fear and helpless...

what do you do when someone abuse your trust...
over and over again...?
betrayed and anger....

what do you do when you are forced to give up something...
something that you love and treasure...?
pain and regrets...

what do you do when you have tried your best...
and still fail in the end...?
hopeless and disheartened...

what do you do when you no longer feel happy...
and you can't even give a smile...?
sorrowful and teary...

what do you do when your love is not reciprocated...
and you are being taken granted for...?
drained and worn out....

what do you do when you just want to go away....
far far away...away from everything and everyone...?
indifferent and faithless...

what will you do...?
what can i do...?

Smile

2006-09-28T12:28:00.000+08:00

him: i like baby jovan...he's so cute...
me: ya...his dimples are so pretty...and nice..
him: you used to have dimples too...
me: i still have them...
him: no...cos you dun smile anymore...

my heart sank...
the truth just dawn upon me...
i feel sad....
will you make me smile again...?

Wishing

2006-09-26T22:12:00.000+08:00

sitting on the bus...
looking out of the window...
wishing i was someplace else...

tapping my handphone...
waiting patiently...
wishing for the comfort of sound...

reaching home...
having dinner...
wishing i can cook as well...

fearing the future...
feeling helpless...
wishing i can do much more...

looking at the screen...
typing my thoughts...
wishing you can read my mind....

standing strong...
holding on...
wishing for the best of life....

Should i stay?

2006-09-25T00:15:00.000+08:00

Heard this song by dreamz FM...
it touches my heart and makes me ponder...

Should I Stay?
by Dreamz FM

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you'd been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel's heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin' proof of what love is about

It's hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It's sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don't know (I don?t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Eventhough I'm down

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You're still in my thoughts

It's hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It's sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don't know (I don't know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

Oooohh?should I stay?
Should I go?

It's hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It's sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don't know (I don't know)
I wanna know
Should I stay or should I..?

This time its done
It'll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it's sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesnt matter somehow
But you were livin' proof of what love is about...

I've learnt

2006-09-24T22:09:00.000+08:00

would you accept a proposal and half a carat diamond ring...
only to turn your back one week later...?

i've learnt...
love is fragile...
it breaks easily when not handled with care....

i've learnt...
love cannot be forced...
what is meant to be will be...
what is not meant to be will never be...

i've learnt...
love is not a possession...
letting go is difficult...
but holding on to something that is not yours will only hinder you from finding what truly is yours...

i've learnt...
love is not a competition...
it's not about comparison...
it's not about winning and losing...

i've learnt...
love is a double edged sword...
it can make or break one's life...

i've learnt...
love is blind...
you see with your heart...not with your eyes...

i've learnt...
love is full of scarfices...
you just want the other person to be happy...

i've learnt...
through joy and happiness...
through hurts and pain...
through good times and bad times...
i've learnt...

First Time

2006-09-22T22:59:00.000+08:00

When was the last time you did something for the first time...?

saw this emirate advert on tv...
somehow...it made my heart skip a beat...

when was the last time I did something for the first time...?

i looked back...
all my 27 years...
i missed the joy...
i missed the excitment...
i missed the thrill...
and the satisfaction...
of doing something for the first time...

what are my dreams...?
i have forgotten...
what is my passion...?
i have forsaken...

in my comfort zone i have resided...
moving on i have resisted...

bonded by fear...
laden with burden...
when will i do something for the first time...?

Dreams I Share

2006-09-21T23:32:00.000+08:00

sitting by the walkway...
sipping hot mocha...
watching the people...
wondering...

what do they do...?
where are they going...?
how do they feel...?

wondering...

what's their life like...?
do they have love ones waiting...?
or do they return to an empty home...?

wondering...

am i just like one of them...?
a nameless soul...
caught in the crazy hectic pace of life...

wondering...

do i want to follow the stream...?
or do i want my own life...?
walking against the flow...

wondering...

who will accompany me...?
who will walk with me...?
my dreams...with whom i share...?

bonded by trust...
filled with love...
with YOU...my dreams i share....

New Beginning

2006-09-20T17:45:00.000+08:00

A new beginning...
A new life...
The old will fade...
Leaving its traces behind...

Wounds will heal...
Tears will dry...
For better or for worst...
Time will tell...

The love we share...
The memories so dear...
For better or for worst...
We'll be there...

Specially dedicated to Varian...
the person who knows me best...